If you have a child with sensory sensitivities, you know it can be super hard to figure out manageable dress clothes for special events: tags, seams, itchy materials, the way fabric clings or the noise it makes. All of these things can be super problematic. Whatever you decide to do, please give yourself permission to lead with your child’s comfort first. Don’t let the judgement of others dictate your child’s comfort and stress level at social events. Many times it doesn’t really matter if your child is underdressed.
But when you do need dressier clothes for a special occasion, there are ways to help make it work. First, plan well ahead of time. Let your child try the clothing on while there is still time to make a change. Have them break in shoes. Consider washing new clothes a couple of times to make them softer and give that “lived-in” feel. Or, purchase second-hand or accept a hand-me-down gift, because the clothing will be softer. Fully remove any tags. Look for materials that don’t have itchy seams. You can also alter items to make them more comfortable. I have a reliable and reasonably-priced seamstress who helps me. She can remove embedded tags and cover itchy seams or spots with soft cloth.
Instead of dress pants, consider soft, black pants with a pull-up waist, like these. They could be athletic material or even pajama pants. They just need to be solid black and then when you pair them with a dress shirt and shoes they will be disguised, but your child will be comfortable. I promise: with the right shirt you really can get away with it. Instead of a button down Oxford shirt, consider pairing your “dress” pants with an Under Armor polo. In lieu of a full suit, you could top the soft base layers with a stretchy material, lightweight blazer if a suit is needed. Keep in mind, instead of dress shoes, a pair of neutral-colored canvas shoes could look great for a kid. I call them dress sneakers. Really, I think we should all be allowed to wear dress sneakers.
For girls, look for dresses that echo whatever comfort clothes she prefers on a regular day. Lace, seams, special buttons at the neck can all be difficult. Remember that a seamstress is your friend and may be able to brainstorm comfort solutions with you. For a teen, the seamstress can sew bra cups into a dress to avoid an uncomfortable specialty bra. If a dress for your daughter has itchy spots, consider a really simple slip underneath like this one. For a really dressy event, see if you can take a simple cotton dress and make it “dressy” with the accessories. A lovely bow in your daughter’s hair, a matching clutch. And keep the simple, cotton one-piece dress they isn’t causing any sensory issues. Hanna Andersson is very dependable. Don’t be afraid to pair leggings and ballet flats with a sweet but comfy blouse, or go with a chic pantsuit style outfit if your daughter is adverse to dresses. (See above for the dress pant tips.)
When we force kids to wear uncomfortable clothes for a special event, it can go badly. My daughter was a flower girl in a wedding and the bride picked the dress. It proved to be too itchy, so my daughter barely made it through the ceremony. I watched her face color change during the ceremony and I knew the dress had been a mistake. As soon as the ceremony ended, I took her to change into a pajama dress for the reception. When a kid is needing to deal with itchy seams and razor-like tags, it makes dysregulation and melt-downs a bigger problem. Keep that in mind and try to find the best compromises that allow your child to feel comfortable and have fun. Since fancy clothes are often taxing on the child’s nervous system, think about other ways you can help alleviate stress. For instance, if the special event is noisy, check out my ideas for sound sensitivity. Headphones during a reception could be great, or an opportunity to check out and get lost in a favorite video game on an iPad could be a helpful break.
Another tip: if you put your sensory-sensitive child in a dressy outfit, don’t hesitate to take along a spare comfy outfit (like my daughter’s pajama dress!) in case they don’t last through the whole event. Perhaps they deal with the less-comfy outfit for the first hour and some photos, and then they can slip into a T-shirt or their pajamas.
If I could go back in time, I would reassure younger me that it was ok if my children weren’t dressed perfectly at special events. That reassurance would have saved us some time and stress. I hope you figure out something great to wear and have a wonderful time!
~Christina
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