Skincare can be a big challenge for teens! Sensory sensitivities, forgetfulness, teens who aren’t up for spending time on hygiene regimens or who feel stress from perceived demands. Before we get into it, don’t forget that every kid has their own timeline, and that’s ok. I hold no judgement about the age of your child and what hygiene tasks they can and can’t do independently yet. You Got This.
A story to illustrate what I mean about the timeline- I think of a specific visit to the pediatrician with my son several years ago. We saw the “backup” doctor who didn’t know us or have any rapport. It came up that sometimes my son needed to be reminded to shower. The pediatrician made a gasping, shocked look and repeated the statement with emphasis- “Your TEN YEAR OLD needs to be REMINDED to take a SHOWER?” I knew in that moment that this pediatrician wasn’t part of our trusted circle. I had a few options in that moment. 1. I could throw the kid under the bus with a shrug to the doctor and shake my head. “Kids!!” Nope- but if you’ve done that, have grace on yourself! We crave approval from the herd, so to speak, and this is easy to fall into, especially when talking to someone who is considered a child expert. 2. I could explain and basically verbally dump ALL the things and needs my child was going through at that moment that made the shower issue a tiny, molecular level ameba that had zero consequence at that moment. This one is a balance. Sometimes it’s worth explaining a little, but you want to refrain from oversharing or trying to win approval. Don’t waste time throwing away pearls to someone who will disregard them. In this instance I went with option 3: I shut down and redirected that conversation, STAT. It actually was pretty simple. I dropped eye contact with her, looking unfazed and disinterested with what she had said, and resumed the prior conversation about the purpose of our visit. Not someone in our circle of trust. Not worth my energy. Let’s move on. In that moment, it also set the pace to my son that her comment didn’t really matter. We had bigger fish to fry. To her credit, the pediatrician picked up on my nonverbal signals and moved along with us.
Let’s do this!
*Heads up, these are products other families have felt are helpful. I don’t have affiliates or connections to any of the products.*
What’s hard about facial care for your child? It’s helpful if we can figure out the root of the problem and go from there. If you don’t know, maybe you could lean in and get curious to figure out if it’s an executive function/absent minded professor issue, if it is the sensory overload of hands and face getting messy, if kiddo is struggling with a demands weighing on them, or if certain product smells, tingles or pain is happening. If you ask your kid about it, try to set up the questions so the child doesn’t feel defensive or reactive. Make sure you don’t feel frustrated, because they can sense it. Don’t bring it up at the same time of day when you’re trying to coax them to wash their face. Ask them about it at a different time of day. Act super casual about the question, and consider another task you could be working on like drawing, so you aren’t making eye contact with your child. Then ask. Or, just observe and try to see the pattern over time of what they don’t like. If you know what the root problem is, then you can collaborate on a problem-solve.
Give your kid buy-in. With these options we go over, maybe let them pick something. If it’s too many options, buy a couple and let them decide and try at home. Letting them make decisions can allow them to feel ownership. Try not to get frustrated if you buy something and they don’t like it. That can be part of the process. They will feel safer to take risks and try new things if they aren’t worried about your possible reaction.
If they don’t want to touch the product with their hands, consider getting them a makeup brush. A brush that is intended for applying liquid foundation could be good for applying moisturizer or sunscreen. Be careful not to go super cheap, as you want the brush bristles to be soft and hypoallergenic.
Pro tip: warm water is typically more soothing and comfortable than cold water. But super hot water can dry out skin. You can also warm lotion before applying. Speaking of dry skin, make sure your kiddo is drinking enough water throughout the day. If they aren’t hydrated, this can cause dry skin and lips. If they don’t like drinking water, look for ways to make hydration easier. (More water in their smoothie? A lot of ice and a squeeze of lemon in their water?) A humidifier can also help with dry skin and scalp.
Use a couple wash cloths rather than just one. That way, hands stay non-messy. Use one to wet face and apply face wash, but if that one gets too wet or messy, go to the second wash cloth. Use the wet cloth to wipe off soap rather than splashing water. Make sure kid gets all the soap off. Gentle microfiber face cloths could be a soothing texture.
Try disposable face cleansing wipes instead of liquid soap. They aren’t the most environmentally-friendly option to use daily, but it might meet a need for a season.
Consider washing your child’s face for them. Take the stress out of it. They don’t even need to be in the bathroom. They could be relaxing on the sofa with an audio book while you provide a mini “spa day” experience. Wipe their face gently with a warm, wet wash cloth and then gently cleanse the skin with a Cetaphil face wipe. Done! This can be a scaffold that bridges their ability to wash their own face. Later, when they’re ready, a future step may be that you are present in the room while they wash their face (body doubling) and then a step further would be that you just remind or leave the needed items out in view as a nonverbal reminder.
Another idea could be to give them the face product to apply in the shower when they’re already wet. Have an extra wash cloth handy for them to wipe eyes and have a way to wipe off the product if needed. If they really refuse all things face, then compromise by encouraging showers to be daily if they’re more spread out currently.
After getting face wet using a wash cloth, apply product to this silicone brush cleansing device massager. It’s great! You could do this for them. Remember, warm water is more sensory-friendly than cold water. Use a wash cloth to clean and wipe off soap.
Look for a compromise. Instead of facewash in the evening, could they wipe a little toner, micellar water or witch hazel over their face using a couple of cotton balls?
With blackheads or pores that need to be cleared, some kids may like a Bioré strip. (Others won’t!) If you try it, cut it into three pieces so it’s smaller. Start with one single piece, so they aren’t overwhelmed with the larger coverage of the regular Bioré strip. If they change their mind and don’t want it removed, then soak it with water to resoften it for super easy removal.
This idea might sound strange, but it’s a brainstorm on ways to curate the environment. Have your child pick a “face wash song.” They can listen to a favorite song every time they go through their face care regimen. This can even be a way to get through all hygeine. Then, maybe three songs would be for shower time. When they hear that second song start, they remember to wash their hair. When they hear the third song, they remember to make sure they’ve washed all the soap off. Then, as they get out and the music changes, it reminds them of deoderant, teeth brushing, etc. You could pick a song for brushing teeth that is about 2 minutes long, so they remember to brush their teeth for a full two minutes. But this needs to be a collaboration and something they want to do and pick. The songs should be a nice bonus and support, not a forced thing.
Outsource some help. Research to find an amazing esthetician who has a great track record with sensitive teens. If your child is onboard, the esthetician could help with skin issues and some education. Be a part of the process and make sure your kiddo feels comfortable and has autonomy in this process.
Sometimes teens have no interest in skincare, but over time as they develop crushes, they begin taking more interest and feel intrinsic motivation in their hygiene.
Moisturizer options
- Jojoba coconut oil
- Camille Beckman unscented therapy creams
- Aveeno Eczema cream
- Sudocream
- Cetaphil Daily Moisturizer
- Vanicream or Vanicream lite/light
- organic virgin Shea butter from Bulk Apothecary- tablespoon in bath tub
- grapeseed oil
- lemongrass spa products for all skincare
- Aveeno Baby Daily Moisture Lotion
- LUBRIDERM® Daily Moisture Lotion
- Neutrogena Norwegian Formula
- TruBaby Eczema Therapy Cream
Gentle Facial Cleansers
- Vanicream Facial Cleanser
- Cetaphil Foaming Facewash
- CaraVe hydrating Facial Cleanser
- Neutrogena Ultra Gentle Daily Cleanser
Disposable Cleansing Cloths/Wipes
- Arbonne Dissolve the Day Facial Cleansing Cloths
- Cetaphil Wipes
- Neutrogena Pink Grapefruit Wipes
Other tools and resources that were mentioned
- Microfiber cloth
- Bioré Strips
- Silicone Cleansing Brush
- Makeup Brush
- A teen-friendly esthetician
That’s what I’ve got for you! I hope something is helpful. Please let me know if you have a suggestion to add to the list.
Warmly
Christina
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